hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
