Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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