i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
