I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
