Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
