I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
