Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
