I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I am available for nakedness
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
