R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Soap is not a condiment
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize
