dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
