My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
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