Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
