I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
