I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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