Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(619): View more from California

I'm passing your future prison.

Fav 15 4620 1305
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(208): View more from Idaho

why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.

Fav 27 9370 1793
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(925): View more from California

you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed

Fav 11 1269 1975
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(703): View more from Virginia

I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.

(757): View more from Virginia

you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.

Fav 7 2158 937
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(412): View more from Pennsylvania

I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture

Fav 13 1755 685
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(513): View more from Ohio

She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.

Fav 5 1766 714
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(218): View more from Minnesota

You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.

Fav 9 1066 713
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(805): View more from California

I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.

Fav 3 993 709
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(770): View more from Georgia

Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?

Fav 0 19 40
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