yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
