Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
