Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Randomize
