Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
operation have a gay friend backfired
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Randomize
