i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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