you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Randomize
