he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
