i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Randomize
