What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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