Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
