i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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