It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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