Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
