Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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