I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
