Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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