Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
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