he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
bring money and cleavage
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Randomize
