well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
