I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
