Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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