me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Randomize
