I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
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