bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
