In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
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