you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
