I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
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