She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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