i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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