i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Randomize
