im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
