I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
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