this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Girls should come with a carfax report
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Randomize
