He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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