Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Randomize
